Friday, March 13, 2015


Everybody, everyone made mistakes.

Mistake they're ashamed of. Mistake they'd wish they never done. A wrong path taken, wrong answers given on exam paper, wrong pills popped, wrong words said, wrong people they met. You know,  all sorts of mistake. 

I made mine.

And I am very grateful that nobody ever read blogs anymore. But the need to let this out publicly is going insane. Ala everybody is a little girl crying for attention come on la give me a break (tiber kan nak defend diri sendiri). So, here it goes :

How do I start. Well, life was normal. Life was far from perfect, but I had enough of every thing. It was a good life. I was at ease. I was at my best condition. And I wished it to stay as it is forever(illogical and unreasonable, i know. but in my defense, my life was very safe and sound at that time)
Until one day, someone came in my life and changed everything. It was so weird how much a person can affect your life in a very short notice. Have you ever experienced that? Do you know how weird it felt?Somebody came in your life and BOOM! there goes your comfort. there goes your serenity. there goes your calmness. there goes your coolness. there goes your feminismistic(wtf?). I personally think that it was very rude. Very rude. I was not ready, by any means. 

I am not ready for this. I am not ready for all this gush and rush. I am not ready to feel so protective over a person. I am not ready to get my mind think of the same person over and over on a day. I am not ready to worry about someone that isn't a family or close friends. I am not ready to open up to someone else aside myself. I am not ready to feel so comfortable in my own skin in front of another person without being judgemental to myself. I am not ready for all of the above. I am definitely not ready to feel jealous over a conversation or two. I am not. and the thing I hate the most is I am not ready to feel so gullible and fragile I am now. 

Really. Can you go through this with me and help me understand? How is it possible, a person came in your life change your way of living your life? Really, how? And come to think of it, while I am at it, let's think about it. Do you know that you have that ability? Ability to change someone else's life. To truly affect their life. Change their way of living. Terrorizing their comfort. Disturbing their calmness. Like a single decision your made in your life will significantly affect their's. Crazy isn't it? 

And speaking of mistakes just now. These are the mistakes that I have decided to commit to. Mistakes of letting someone else taking over my life. I need to step up and be in control of my life again I know that, but, waking up to a good morning texts and going to bed with good night texts feels very good to my soul. Not to mention having someone available for my ranting and complains are undeniably gratifying (this is so important).

So I guess I am just going to succumb to this decision of mistake for now. And enjoying this mistake as well as the other mistakes we both commits now and in the future. And see how far this mistake will lead me. Wish me luck. 

p/s: Please, lend me your du'a and pray that I'll keep my path away from anything that is a barrier between me and Allah ye.