Once upon a time, a very good friend of mine said a lot of mean things on how I carry myself, physically speaking, around. And this particular way of mine which he disregarded as 'boyish, unkempt, unflattering and embarrassing' and I have to stress that this is his own word, is mentally disgusting. Oh, and he claimed that my physical unattractiveness is one of the main reason why I am single.
No. This one, this time, is not a lie. He really said all those things to me (in bahasa). And yes, you do not have to tell me how hurtful it was for me to acknowledge that facts.
*blabbing about friends (there's going to be a link someday)*
I am writing this post because I want him, if not other people to understand my logic in choosing how I wear my outfits, working it, or 'my fashion' as mainstream people call it. (as if I'm a hipster haha)
"Mashaallah..sexynya model tu. Cantiknya body dia. Nak!!"
I'd be lying if I said I've never said something like that. Of course there was a time when I wish I was in ANTM rocking the runaway in high heels with designer body fit dresses and what-glamorous-not. But, as I grow up, the definition of sexy, the definition of 'good figure' changed. Instead of size 2 (skinny model size), I think sexy and good figure means you have a body figure you feel comfortable with. And this generally means, if you're size 12 and feel good in it, rock that body sister! Size 16? Still sexy! As long as you feel amazing, you are! And of course if you're actually in size 2 or 4, sweet body! hahaha. Whatever size you are, it doesn't matter.
But personally, I think I can feel sexy in good figure when I feel fit and healthy. I used to swim at least 60 laps a day for 7 days a week before this and I felt great. And then the "Hello, are you even a Muslim?" hit me when I was about 16. I stopped whatever sports I was in, all at once. AND BOOOM! My weight went hiking up up up. But heck, despite my weight, I am (still) very thankful for all those swimming routines because despite everything, I FEEL GREAT!
riak sikit : masa bleep test kat plkn, I buat sampai stage 7 hehe. This indicates that as long as you're fit and healthy, you'll be fine.
Yes I'm overweight. That's obvious.
But I think I'm fit enough to run from my house to the playground.
So based on my sexy logic, I'm still sexy.
The question is, what's the point of having size 2 when you will always be terrorize by your own weight?
And what's the point of having size 2 when you're on verge of turning into a bulimic?
Definitely not sexy. Hell no.
Unless, you're trying to have sexy body to attract men?
That's sure as hell sexy motivation. Tapi haram nauzubillah do.
So, I honestly don't care about model figure anymore. I'm done wishing for something like that. But sure, if I ever feel the need to have one, I definitely want it to court my future husband hahahaha. Sorry, but you know, you should find someone who can accept you just the way you are without asking you to change this and that. UNLESS, you're some morally challenged person with ethics that does not represent Islam and sunni THEN PLEASE CHANGE! ( I know, out of topic ).
Quoting from the greatest Mama in the whole world,
"Makan lah selagi awak mampu makan, nanti dah sakit, makan ikut tube, masa tu dah hilang nikmat dah. Masa tu la menyesal tak makan ini tak makan itu. Tapi, janganlah makan sampai gemok gedempol perut bulat macam bola no. Makan dalam keadaan yang berserdehana."
And I definitely stick to that. hahhahahaha.
Tapi ye lah, janganla makan makan makan lepastu tak exercise kan. Tu nanti jadi gemuk, pastu tak sihat. No no. We don't want that. We want : makan makan makan, peluh peluh peluh. Kalau gemuk lagi pun, at least kita ke arah Malaysia sihat, cergas, bersatu~
Especially sekarang ni ramadhan. As GoodLuckMatRep said in his twitter, Ramadhan is a time of cleansing both physically and spiritually. Putting the slim in muSLIM and the fit in aidilFITri.
You are your own happiness. So set your own rules. Stop living according to society expectations. Fulfill YOUR own expectations and be proud of who you are, because gemuk or papan kering or sedap2, jeragat and jerawat, nerdy or whatever, you're still the best creation of Allah.
Always bear in mind, we're equal and we're all perfect in imperfect ways. ;)
p/s : I'm single by choice. Because every relationship before marriage is haram and if there's any way that it isn't, banyak sangat kejadahnya. Might as well tunggu Mr.Halal terus. :)